She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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