Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
