I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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