I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
