p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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