Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
