I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
