The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
