I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
