Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
