Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I could fuck to npr.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
