Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
