DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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