Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
