At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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