dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
