Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
