We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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