Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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