He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
