I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
