She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
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