He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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