I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Someone came in the potted fern
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
