Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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