i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
