Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
