Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
