I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
