omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
