You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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