i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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