The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
