When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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