I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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