I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
