Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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