I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
