It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
