paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
