Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
