we're chasing vodka with high fives
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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