He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
