the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
