He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
