we're blogging at a bar
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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