Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
