The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
