ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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