at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
