i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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