hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
