What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
